count down

So I jacked this from another blog. Just a big countdown.

10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people
1. I really do regret meeting you.
2. Just because we work together does not mean you need to tell me yoru life story. Shut up!
3. Your Debbie Downer ass makes me want to jump off a bridge when I hear you.
4. I don't answer my phone or call you back because I don't like you.
5. I feel sorry for your new boyfriend, pyscho.
6. I love you.
7. You need therapy.
8. You are way to picky...
9. We aren't friends anymore cuz you are dysfunctional.
10. I really never meant to hurt you.

9 things about yourself
1. I think I need therapy, sometimes.
2. I hate Keyshia Coles voice! It sounds like nails against a chalkboard in my ears.
3. I am an optimist dressed in a cynics clothes.
4. I really do believe in love, I'm just scared of it.
5. I'm so over the DMV.
6. I love to eat hate to cook.
7. I have great friends.
8. I need a job.
9. I'm over this section of the countdown.

8 ways to win my heart
1. Be conscious.
2. Understand Erykah Badu's song Master Teacher.
3. Be honest.
4. Be intuitive.
5. Be forward.
6. Court Me
7. Actually listen to me, know really.
8. Love yourself!

7 things that cross my mind a lot
1. My future children
2. My purpose in life
3. My family
4. Him
5. The adversities of little black girls
6. How the universe came to be.
7. My future in general

6 things I do before I go to sleep
1. Brush my teeth
2. Watch a lil tv
3. Pray and meditate
4. Make any last calls
5. Daydream
6. something else i don't care to name :-)

5 people I couldn't live without
1. My mother
2. My family
3. My best friends
4. thats it
5. nope no more

4 things I'm wearing right now
1. silver earings
2. my panda coin ring
3. my nose ring
4. black boots

3 songs that fit my life perfectly
1. lost myself (Lauryn Hill)
2. booty (Erykah Badu)
3. me (erykah badu)

2 things i would like to do before i die
1. Live on "the continent"
2. Have children

1 confession
I think George W. Bush is sexy :-/

First day of winter... winter solstice... the sun rebirth

This upcoming Sunday (the 21st) will mark this years winter solstice in out hemisphere. The significance of the winter solstice is it's the reversal of the gradually lengthening nights and shortening days. This day will be the day of the longest nigth of the year. For three days afer the winter solstice the day the length of day light reaches its mininum. The sun seems to stand stil, after which the days begin to increase in daylight somewhere around Christmas eve and day. Thus the sky will be birthing the sun. Its interesting it falls during Christmas, the birth of the Son of God. Sun, Son. hmmmmm...


I find this inteteresting because this is when we should really be celebrating the new year... since it marks the day of the solar or we could celebrate it during the spring equinox (since that really signifies a time of renewal)

But since we live in a backwards world... Its January 1st a very insignificant day in the dead winter.

I usually don't make New Years resolutions but after recounting all the events and lessons of this year i find it necessary. This year I graduated from college, went almost the entire year without sex, lost two friends and made some new ones. I learned some hard truths about myself and now its time to fix them.

This is year, I can't afford to carry some of the baggage I've been carrying. I have to learn how to truly forgive some. Being over a situation and forgiving someone is 2 completely different things. Now that I have learned that, I have to learn to forgive and let go. I have to learn to become more proactive and multi-task better. I have to stop worrying about the future and over-analyzing things. I must keep the passion and fire I have for life. My body is temple and a dwelling place for God/Goddess and I must try even harder to keep it holy. More whole foods and no intoxicants. I have learn how to prepare food and herbs. I am a manifestation of my creator and I have to keep that at the front of mind. I can because Goddess can.

Im excited about what this new year will bring. During the winter soltice, I'm going to medidate and appreciate those days of darkness. Because out of the darkness comes the light. I'm gonna let my sun (light) be re-born and illuminate, because I've been slacking since I've graduated.

shells and seeds... like that

Shells and Seeds : for BH

We would share sunflower seeds
sitting on the porch above concrete
ditch the shells to get to the center to the best part right to the heart he holds a special place
he was more than a friend
one of those soulmates
now I don’t love him like
your mother loves your father,
like you loved your ex,
like you’ll love your next
but I love him
in a different way
not quite under the sun
but way over the moon
we would spend the entire month of June
hiding and seeking
we would play tag
and I wanted to be it
So I obviously hid
hoping he would find me
but he never did
we just weren’t compatible
when we truth or dared kissed I felt we were judge by shadows
yet we still chased ice cream trucks
search for 4 leaf clovers for luck
until the summer he left me I felt so stuck
But he was worse off
Though without each other we were both lost
life stretched us
in different directions
but some how we found our way back
But I things had changed
time had suffocated our innocence
we were not the same
He came back around
we were reintroduced
and when he returned I asked him what did he learn
he said his dreams had been lynched off of basketball hoops
and he wasn't sure of who he was or his roots
he was unconscious and i was full aware
i had learned to love life he really didn't care
i was full of hope he was full of despair
now he picks seeds out his weed
I collect shells of off the beach
we sit close but still out of reach
we try to relate to one another
as we reminisce with each other
sitting on the porch above concrete
sharing sunflower seeds



LIKE THAT

if i recounted all my secrets
and etched them on slates
and put them on Cupids letter head
like that
if I sent them to you
would u write back
i mean Aaliyah four page it
signed, seal delivered with a kiss,
exactly like that

cuz i want an inconvenient, i didn't know it was gonna rain so, i forgot my umbrella type love
i want an i could live without u, but u make it so much better type love
an unexpected, I found 50 dollars in a puddle imma spend it all on you type love
an up all night, connecting the stars, with the hopes it tells us our story type love
a we so great and relevant, we're in out great grand children's history book, they studying us type love

yeah i want it like that


if it didn't work
would u return me right back
u kno where u found me
would u apologize cuz your love didn't ground me
since I dont wanna fall in love
in love I'd rather stand
boys will be boys
but i just want u to be my man
like sprint, verizon, t-mobile
I'm just trying to be apart of your plan
yeah like that

so will u hold my hand like that
yes smile again... like that
cuz i want it like that

50 questions

Below are 50 (actually 51) getting to know you questions. Feel free to copy and answer in your blog!



1. Were you named after anyone? I got my middle name from a cousin.

2.If you could change your name what would it be? Queen something lol

3. Shoe Size? 8 1/2 - 9

4.If you were a crayon, what color would you be? White, because it never gets used.

5. What colour is your bathroom? purple and green

6.What is your least favorite color and why? grey... its just so blah

7.Favorite Smell? Banana nut bread

8.Favorite Sounds? laughing children an acoustic guitar

9.What is your special talent? creative writing, i think

10.What is the greatest music ever composed? the makings of you... curtis mayfield

11.If you could make a good living doing anything at all, what would that be? helping others to be radiantly healthy and write songs and poems

12. What is the nicest thing a stranger ever did for you? i was feeling like shit one day and this beautiful man walks up to me and "says you are divine, haev a nice day"

13.What do usually eat for breakfast? fruit or kashi cereal with rice milk yum

14.What is your best childhood memory? going to the beach

15. Spicy or mild? spicy

16.Neat or slob? neat

17.Of your five senses, which is your all-time favorite? touch

18.Which is your least favorite season? winter

19.What talent do you have that no one else in your social group has? my 3rd is not blind haha

20.Favorite sesame street character: cookie monster, come on he's blue and cross eyed

21.If you could have an endless supply of any one food, what would you get? fried plaintains

22.If you were an animal, what would you be? black panther... nuff said

23. When you were little, who was your favorite super hero and why? never liked super heros

24. Who is your hero/heroine? my mother

25.What’s your favorite thing to do in the summer? go to the beach

26.What’s your favorite cartoon character, and why? Huey Freeman from the boondocks

27.If you could visit any place in the world, where would you choose to go? Ghana

28. Are you a morning or night person? the goddess gets it in all day hun

29.What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten? vegetarian shrimp

30.Name one of your favorite things about someone in your family: they are all supportive

31.If someone made a movie of your life would it be a drama, a comedy, a romantic-comedy, action film, or sciencefiction? sci fi/ romantic comedy... cuz mane why not

32.I could be anybody besides myself, I would be… i would choose me!

33.Be honest here: What would someone you know, who doesn't like you, say about you? Give the relationship of theenemy to you, eg: ex-husband, mother-in-law, mad woman in the park... i dont have any knwo enemies... and i don;t give a fuck if they did have something

34.How far, approximately in miles, have you travelled from where you live now? turkey... whose measuring

35.Preferred reading genres: holistic health and revolutionaries

36.What single thing would improve the quality of your life? pure air, pure food, daily sex yep i said it

37.Who is the most relevant person in our time? Barack Obama

38. What is the title of the best book you have ever read? Proverbs and Song of Solomon

39. What is the most beautiful thing about people? our diversity

40. What is the ugliest thing you know? hatred

41.What force of history are you most aware of as you plan your life? KEMET's knowledge

42.What thing makes you most humble? the fact that im a small part of a huge puzzle

43.If you could smash one thing and one thing only, what would you smash? "i wanna run smash into you..." beyonce

44.What is the greatest crime one human being can commit against another? acting as if we don;t need each other

45.What do you feel when you stand on the shore of the ocean? On the precipice of a mountain? like im that much closer to getting "home:

46.What is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen? my mother gving birth to me lol

47. What talent should you develop? my intuition

48. What makes you most secure? knowing that GodIs with me at all times

49.What institution is most in need of change? education

50.What is the biggest waste you know of? InnerG

being a cancer

my sun is cancer and so is my moon...

4 Cancer/Cancer
The combination of your Sun sign and your Moon sign, a double dose of Cancer, intensifies the natural traits of the sign and produces an added depth of feelings. You are an extremely emotional and timid person. There is an aloofness about your nature, as though you were waiting in the background for someone to make the first move to establish a relationship. Since most people are caught up in their own problems and often fail to understand this nature, you may feel that you are being ignored and snubbed. It's hard for you to come out of yourself and meet people halfway. It's not that you are self-centered, but you may give the impression that you are by not coming across positively. You are so self-protective and seem to have a shell that you crawl into periodically, or even permanently, as a defense against the intrusions of the world. You are touchy with a keen sense of injury and hurt at real or imagined offenses. You can be very suspicious of people and their motives that can make you unapproachable to many. It takes a long time for someone to win your confidence. Though you are extremely domestic and a very protective parent, you're not likely to marry early and your basic nature can make it hard to achieve a stable and concrete relationship. But when you finally put aside this self-protective shell, you are exceptionally warm and genial, a true old-fashioned romantic. You have a deep sense and sympathy and a need for the same. A clever diplomat, your style is to work around an issue, rarely becoming confrontational and direct.

^^^^ Some of its true.... some of its not, well at least i hope not lol. But there is a science to the zodiac system far more intricate than your weekly newspaper horoscope or those descriptions mentioned supra. You have 12 houses, and there are different planets in each house that influences different aspects of your life. Most people know there sun signs which are pretty much outward expressions. That's why the whole compatibility thing with signs doesn't always work because people only compare their sun signs. Your moon sign is who u are at the core. And then there are 10 other planets...

Goodnight and These are my hands...

goodnight

i ran up the door and closed the stairs
said my pajamas and jumped in my prayers
turned off my bed, and tucked into my light
all because u kissed me tonight.


these are my hands

these jaded fingers
have been pricked, picked and bitten
they wear my anxiety
the spent years
the daunting fears
my gnawing imagination
and the uncertainty of a certain future
"what is to come, will"
yet i bite still

but these are MY fingers,
the fourth finger left hand
that wears a mockery of a wedding band
the right index and middle finger, attentive to my climax
I climb through the uneventful day to reach apex
and then I inevitably descend right back into the same... fingers

I have played in my earth
I have played in the earth
and planted seeds of hope
that will some day bloom
and i will some day pick the fruit
from these hands' work

they are my compasses of life
pointing and directing
receiving and projecting
righting and lefting
gripping and dressing
hitting and caressing

but tonight they are coming together
palm to palm
fingers interlocked like a zipper
pulled together at the web
just praying that you... will hold them for a while

haiku and short poems

I was inspired to write a few poems in haiku, its amazing that in very few words your can say so much. haiku are written in 3 lines with 5 syllables in the first, 7 in the second and 5 in the third.

places you will never go
mars, saturn, venus
the queendom between my thighs
atlantis, kemet...

virgin (haiku)
My mouth will not say
quality o'er quantity
but these walls can talk

Valentine's Day
Months from now, i trust
my heart will race this steady speed
I pray we make it

revolt (haiku)
Che, Huey, Malcolm
yes I have read their bios
but whats your story

fun house mirrors (haiku)

close your eyes slowly

reveal you to the real you

open them, vanish

heaven (haiku)

gold streets, pearly gates

no tears, no stress, no desires

is heaven boring?

wisdom (haiku)

Sage, choices... advice

from my mouth, the pain cuts, GOD!

these teeth came too late

a kiss (haiku)

electric currents
conducted through lips that touch
love, what an event

i kiss to love
if love is to follow
a kiss is to lead
love is a seed
God the Sun, Goddess the water
water us
because we are the trees
let us bloom freely

A kiss pt 2 (not haiku)
breaks a seal
seals a deal
deals a fate
a kiss is a lot of things but never fake

Habits

they say it takes 21 days to form a new habit
Well, I've known you for 42
Twice the time it takes to make you apart of my brain wave pattern
My thoughts explode then scatter
When I'm with you
I trip over words like drunks trip over curbs
Because your energy alters wave lengths
I may not make much sense
Since I am unable to articulate
I am only able to say...
I am only able to say???
Damn, to forget English, it took 21 days
habits
habits
habits
you are the first thought upon waking
this scares me because its only been 42 days
and these thoughts have become habits
it's too late to not have hopes
you are already a habit, that I don't care to break
smokers, nail biters, liars... they have theirs
and, well, I have you.

incomplete poems and thoughts...

weather
i played it so cool, he said that i was cold
but i still posess the fire of truth
and the sweat of love

God is
God is Goddess
She told me over a cup of green tea
She said i made you in the image of me
and if you don't believe look at my earth
and you to my dear can give birth
never underestimate your worth
I won't be found in church
I am always with in your reach
I am at your fingers, and underneath your feet
You can't feel me move because you rotate with me...

TXT
we could fall in love
possibly fall in hate
but we'd never know if we dont conversate
and i kno that aint a word
but in textin there's no spell checkin
and sometimes i cant understand what your saying
because it gets lost in traslation...
thumb to key pad
he's never heard me laugh
LOL can't speak on it's behalf
TTYL

Feminism vs. Goddess Consciousness Part 2 (Wisdom)

"It is no small thing to note that Wisdom is feminine," writes Rabbi Rami Shapiro in THE
"The original language of texts, both Hebrew and Greek, make this very clear: Hebrew Chochma and Greek Sophia are both feminine nouns. The authors of the Wisdom books took this gender specificity seriously and envisioned Wisdom as Mother, God's consort and bride, the Divine Feminine through which the masculine God fashioned all creation."


So, one day while reading Proverbs in the Bible, I discovered that wisdom is personified as a female. The two verses that stuck out were, Proverbs 7:4, Say to wisdom, " You are my sister," And call understanding your nearest kin." In another chapter wisdom is referred to as she again,
Proverbs 4:8-9, Exalt her and she will promote you; She will bring you honor, when you embrace her. She will place on your head an ornament of grace; A crown of glory she will deliver to you.

Not too long after this biblical discovery I had the honor of visiting a mosque in Turkey called Hagia Sophia, which means Divine Wisdom. Sophia is a Greek female name which means wisdom.

It made me think what would make wisdom yin/feminine attribute. Perhaps because wisdom is nurturing, causes growth, enhances safety and stability. I guess to fully understand why the bible whose god is male, decides to refer to wisdom as female, one would have to have a clear definition of wisdom. It's also important to acknowledge the difference between knowledge and wisdom.

"There is wisdom in Nature and knowledge in Scholarship. Nature teaches us what works and what doesn't work. Knowledge teaches us how to use our senses, how to observe nature, how to evaluate it, how to record life lessons, and how others before us did the same. We first learn wisdom in life by experience, (usually painful experience) and then as we grow older, we recognize wisdom in life by example. "

I felt to need to share this as it fits the theme of a previous post http://raelostandfound.blogspot.com/2008/10/feminism-vs-goddess-consciousness-part.html. Since we are God/dess children we do have access to the divine wisdom. But I think its extra special that wisdom is a she :-)

U too old for that!!!

Now I know with age, wisdom doesn't always follow, but damn! You are too old for that! I'm defining grown as anything over 25. 25 isn't magical age but you've lived long enough to know better!

1. Grown men with cornrows. What the hell for??? While I'm at work a man who had to be in his 40's came in the office with cornorows. He looked a damn ridiculous. Hell, If you're over 19 loc it or cut it.

2. Older men who club frequently. I do party, a lot. But i am 22!!! Every time i go to a particular club there is this old ass dude in their (same man) . He gotta be in his late 30's early 40's. I'm not saying 30's or 40's is old but... it is too old to be clubbing frequently. If you over 27 you shouldn't be hanging out where people 5-10 years older then you are hanging out. After my 25th bday i will not be in hanging out in the same places i did 18-24. New age bracket, new recreation.

3. Grown women dressing like each other when they go out. That was cute when you were 14 but ten years later its a little strange.

4. Grown women at Ray J, Omarion or Bow Wow concert. Unless you are chaperoning or attending with some under 21.

5. Eating food with sprinkles. HAHAHA that was for someone specifically. :-)

6. Grown people blaming the world for your problems. PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!

7. Grown people who think nigga/bitches aint shit. We are what we attract the most. And you are too old to be blaming other people.

Ok that's it for now.

NOTE*** If any one has anything to add, please comment or shoot me an email.

Feminism vs. Goddess Consciousness PART 1

***Disclaimer***
This is blog entry is not attacking political or economical feminism. I am simply addressing the affects feminism on current gender social "norms".

Feminism-the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

The problem with feminism is that it does not embrace feminine principles. I've never heard of a feminist speaking on women cultivating their intuition, healing powers , wisdom or receptiveness. I haven't heard any feminist preach about the sacredness or the power of the vagina and womb.

Even though feminism is no longer a progressive movement (in my opinion) The movement has left its imprint on our social and gender norms. For example, feminism and sexual liberation. I am not an advocate of sexual repression, suppression, oppression and any other 'pressions lol. I believe that we are sexual beings and to deny yourself sex is unnatural. However, the sexual liberation movement that is still in affect is anything but liberating. I keep hearing women say, they are having sex freely, like men. As if we are in some battle of the sexes and must compete with men. (I'll address this in another blog.) Just because a man does it, doesn't mean I have do the same thing.

This kind of thinking has done women , especially black women more harm than good. How is it liberating to let just anyone into your temple? How is it liberating to have sex that does nothing for the soul, but to do it just because you feel like it or because you can. You see, it is no coincidence since the sexual revolution there has been an increase in reproductive challenges for women especially black women. It's no coincidence that since the sexual revolution there is a high divorce rate and high "never been married" rate in blacks. It's no coincidence that since women have been in the workforce an have been unable to breastfed and properly nurture their children, that these babies grow up with asthma, ADD, ear infections, cholic, different types of cancers and many other illness and diseases. I am not against women working. I am against babies being nursed on cow tittie milk. That was kind of off topic but, oh well.

In addition to the things I mentioned supra, a lot of women are unable to have true sexual bliss in all of their so-called sexual liberation. Most women are unable to have a g-spot orgasm. How the hell can u claim to be liberated when you aren't even having mind blowing sex?!?!?

The quest of equality has blind-sided many women. I love being a woman and would have it no other way. I believe my worth is equal to a man my but function doesn't have to mirror his. We shouldn't be in competition or in the constant quest to have equality in every single thing. Instead we should work at living more harmonisouly. We'd definately have a better world.

The battle of the sexes is deadly and causes a disturbance in our enviroment. Many feminist, (well the modern woman period), have forgotten about their goddessness and are trying to be more like men. feminist are only fueling the yang energy in our world, and it's already saturated. However, God/dess will restore the balance!

I will address Goddess Consciouseness next time :-)

This blog has not been edited for content. It's random, therefore my thoughts are all over the place. :-)

SoulMate

I wrote this in a dream, because the ego wasn't having it...

I'm in love with you and we haven't even met
But when I sleep I feel our consciousness connect
So let our consciousness collect
on past lives debts
Because the last time i think i missed you
and this waiting and anticipation has left me mistaken others who i thought were you
I've come close, but not quite
I've yet to get it right
but you have never left my sight
third eye sees u clearly, i feel you near me, so I'm ready to be
your north, your south, your east, your west
I'm ready to be the rhythm in your chest, your heartbeat
so look for me
and as the universe rearranges worlds
i pray ours combine, held together by the hand of the divine... u and i
i know timing is everything
and the almighty FORTUNE TELLER tells her
its already been orchestrated in the cosmos
and in this cosmic love affair we'll share
we'll put stars to shame
we'll out flame super nova
love outside of time and space
my heart races to meet yours
i look forward to your embrace
face to face, just the thought takes my breath away
so look for me, my eyes are open to
lets love because we are over due

What a beautiful dream

The honesty blog...

So I couldn't think of anything to write about and my friend suggested I write an honesty blog. She said u should list 10 honest things about yourself that you keep concealed. I replied "they are concealed for reason." Her response "Why, be real with the world be real with yourself..."
So here it goes.....

1. I am not a people person. I have to go the extra mile to be friendly or get to know to people because it doesn't come natural to me. I use think it was because I am an only child. But i know plenty of people who are only children who are "people persons". I think I'm just weird.

2. I don't like Ne-yo's miss independent song because I feel like I can't do anything for myself right now. It's so frustrating.

3. I procrastinate and become lazy because I'm scared if i try I wont succeed.

4. I have been abstinent (no celibate) for a year because once I have sex with someone, I slightly loose interest in them.

5. Number 5 can probably explain number 4 i have a hard time connecting during sex because I was sexually abused as a child. I learned at a young age to detach the emotional from the physical.

6. Because of 4 and 5, I pushed him away, oh well.

7. I hope i don't do the same to the next one.

8. Sometimes when I'm at home i get homesick.

9. I'm the shit. I know i am, i just need to act like it.

10. I go to clubs to grind on strangers... it takes off the edge since I'm not having sex.

That you haven't called... :-(

So since I haven't heard from you in days it means.....

that I'm ugly.That's it…That I AM UGLY!
ooooooor That you didn't have a good time, the last time,despite all the other great times before that.

That I'm fat.That I'm wack.That you MUST've noticed all the acne scars on my back.

That I'm boring.That I must've been snoring.

That I shoulda agreed to juice and ginning. That I shoulda known from the beginning.

That you saw my dandruff.That my hands were rough.

That you weren't fully impressed.That you got some issues you need to address.

That I didn't meet the standards of your fellas.That I was overzealous.

That you just haven't called YET.That I'm easy to forget.

That you have a girlfriend.That you have another girlfriend in addition to the one you already told me about.That you noticed my break out.

That I'm not the one.That you're not the one.That I shouldn't have cursed your pork bacon.That I didn't meet your expectation.

That I didn't make you laugh enough.That my bangs had too much fluff.

That you think I'm tryna make you a permanent fixture.That I didn't look like my myspace picture.

That you wouldn't know a great catch if it bit you in the ass.That maybe I was a bit too crass.

That you heard a nasty rumor about me. Or worse,That you heard a nasty truth about me.

That you didn't see greatness beyond my shortcomings.That my outfit wasn't very becoming.

That you felt a little stubble.That my mouth, as always, got me in trouble.

That industry cats are all the same.That athletes are all the same.That accountants are all the same.That post office workers are all the same.That I am the one to blame.That you're just a lame.

That you hated my perfume.That I took too long in the bathroom.

That I made you think too much.That I complimented you too much.That I shoulda let you touch.
That I shouldn'ta let you touch.

That you're intimidated by me.That it was too soon to offer you a key.

That you don't see how great I am.That I like souljah boy AND will.I.am.

That I shouldn'ta commented on the baby seat in your car.That I took that last joke a little too far.

That I looked dumb when I danced.That I shouldn't have brought up words like commitment, integrity AND romance…Or maybe, JUST MAYBE,the fact that you haven't called means... that you just haven't called.

************************************************************************************

Songs I wish I wrote...

1. The Makings of You- Curtis Mayfield... The lyrical imagery of this song is so beautiful. If someone is ever lucky enough to marry me, I want someone to sing this at our wedding.
2.Summer Breeze- Isley Brothers... another song with great imagery
3. Redemption Song- Bob Marley 'nuff said
4. Gotta Find a Peace of Mind- Lauryn Hill... I go to church on that one lol
5. Erykah Badu- I want You
6. I want a little sugar in my bowl- Nina Simone

adventures in paradise

I believe any dream that i want to
that aint the only way of keeping hope alive
and if by chance i give birth to my vision
life is so fantastic it will come as no surprise

cuz everyday is adventures in paradise
woven well in the fabric of life

everyday is adventures in paradise
it is real, even if its only in your mind
-Minnie Riperson

well what do you believe in?

Random spiritual talk and mantras:

I believe in one God/Goddess. There is one divine energy that manifest itself in different deities. I believe that the almighty/divine energy lives in all things. Me, you, the earth, the grass, trees, the sun, the stars, the ocean etc.. I believe in polarity. Negative/positive, Feminine/masculine, Dark/Light.

I believe life is what you make it. There are no accidents, no coincidents. I believe everything is everything. One big cycle, its already ok. I try my best to follow the 42 laws of Ma'at. Praise God/dess!

I posess divine InnerG (inner goddess). You do too. I am beautiful so are you. I am intelligent because God is and i am a reflection of God. Since i am a reflection of God i have potential to be GREAT, it's up to me to manifest it. Same goes for you. I do have fear sometimes because i tend to forget who Goddess is. But like pastor Battle said "stop telling your God how big your problems are and tell your problems how big your God is"

I am bigger than my problems or any negativity that comes my way. I'm fully capable of overcoming it!

I am creative, as creativity comes from HER. SHE speaks through, my poems and songs come from the mouth of HER.

Lost jobs, broken hearts, unpaid bills, hunger, jealousy ... its already ok. I'm already healed.

I am loved, I am love therefore I love. Love is as God is, God is Godess. Peace and blessings... InI shall get over

Amen, Selah, Peace

Okay....

Okay, So I'm on my way to work ( a temp job) walking on the side-walk. A homeless man asks me for some change, about ten do everday. I keep walking because I feel too guilty to say no I don't have a nice day. But how the hell can you have a nice day when you are living on a sidewalk. And by the way I did have a purse full of change. But that is my train fare for getting home.

I asked my mother once how do homeless people get homeless. She says hard times and sometimes bad choices. Both which I'm trying to avoid. Because the demands of bad decisions can cost you alot, so I've learned. She then say be grateful for what you have and strive to do the best because it can happen to you. I say never. She says never say never.

Ok never say never. Well how about saying ever. Like am i ever going to get out of this rut. I feel right now I'm so stuck. (didn't mean for that to rhyme) But I feel like nothing is really happening right now for me. All of my attempts to do XYZ don't work. And, blah blah blah. I'm done with this rant. I'm going to eat thats the one thing that I don't fail at!

My favorite season... Goodbye Summer

I love autumn. Its the most beautiful season. The orange, browns and reds the purpled sky sunsets, the weather, the new clothes, going back to school... LOL This is my first year that I won't be going back to school. It doesn't feel strange yet, it hasn't hit me. I think because the memories are vivid. Maybe in a few years I'll miss going back to school. I must admit of been nostalgic. But I'm going with the flow. I'm glad school is over.

Well back to the fall... It may seems backwards but, this season reminds me of renewal. Possibly because the new school year starts in the fall. However when this season approaches I feel a sense of newness, despite that in reality this the season when things began to die. I feel as if I get to start over. It truly is a beautiful season and I look forward to spending it in the DC area.

I appreaciated the summer, it was a good one. I had the oppuritunity to hang out with my friends, enjoy the dc scene and go to a few summer festicals. Although I enjoyed the summer I am glad its over.

Goodbye Summer

Where have I been?... FOCUS

Finding myself... LOL

Seriously, I have been trying to figure things out. For example, what the hell I'm going to do with my life. Things have been confusing since I've graduated, because there is so much to choose from. I had a general picture, but the more I go within the narrower the picture becomes. So it's becoming easier to focus on my goals.

What I've learned over the past few months is, sure its great to have so many goals but it wont mean much with out any focus. It wasn't until recently that I learned the importance of being focus. I am one of those people that get can come up with a million and one ideas but have a hard time coming up with a game plan. This has been a result of my lack of focus .

I've decided to take things a day at a time, shaping and molding my goals. But before I could do this I have to simply claim it!

(Me talking to myself):
Ugggggghhhh... that's the hard part. Getting to the core it's hard to claim something when you have doubts about how good you are or not. Why don't you think you're that good? 'Cuz I keep keep comparing myself to others. huh? There are so many great writers and artist, I'm just scared I won't amount them... Girl! It's not about them, you have to reach you potential!\

So that's my focus now, reaching my potential. I first goal is just to be the greastest artist I can be and the rest, well the rest will fall in line soon enough. I'm still so excited about the future. I will post some poetry soon, I have to copyright them.

I've claimed my greatness in addition to cultivating it.

Writer's Block

I haven't written consistently because I have writers block. However, I am realizing that the reason I have writer's block is I don't write consistently. Therefore, I will began to write in this blog at least four times a week!

I Graduated... Now What?

Its been a long time since I last wrote a blog. Well, I recently graduated and I've been enjoying my time off from working and school. I have been productive this past month with building my network and focusing on my craft. Despite my excitement about my future and about graduating, I am extremely annoyed with the question... "What are you going to do next?" Lately I've just been responding with, "I don't know." That's absolutely a lie. I have a plan, a plan a , a plan b and a plan c!

What I have noticed about this question, "what are you going to do next, "is that it often (not always) comes from a place of fear. There are some people who are genuinely curious but there are others that are concerned and scared for me. They live in fear of job security and economic woes, so they ultimately think that I do as well. They want to hear me say I have a full time job with benefits or I'm going to grad school. How do I know you ask... let me explain...

Usually following that question is, do you have a job? It scares me that so many people think that the way to success is getting a 9 to5 job. First of all, I have a goal of acquiring wealth. As a few of mentors have told me, you don't acquire wealth buy working for someone else. I have found that to be true. I have other issues with the 9-5 system , but I'll cover that in another blog. Although I know to get where I am going I will have to work for someone else for a bit, I won't be there long. So no, I do not have a full time job with benefits (and im getting kicked of my mother insurance in month, now take that lol). I am not ambitiously looking for a full time job, either.

The next question that I keep getting asked is, "Are you going to grad-school". No I am not. I have no plans on going to grad school anytime soon. I'm knocking grad-school it just doesn't fit my plan. Most people proceed to tell me that my bachelors is worth a high-school education and that if I wanted to move up in the corporate world and make more money I will need a masters.

Please, do not project your fears on me. A masters does not guarantee success. And I don't give a damn about moving up in the corporate world. I just want to tell these people that I will be highly successful because I am going to follow my heart and my divine purpose. Traditional schooling no longer fits my plan. Getting my bachelors served a great purpose in my learning experience. I am grateful to have been able to attend college however, grad school would take me off my path.


In conclusion, I do have a plan! However, my mother always tells me, "You can't share your goals with everyone." I have found this to be true. Some people will not understand yout, so they will project their fears on you, by shooting down your goals or negatively criticizing them. Therefore, I have decided to only share my plan with a few people. I'm very talented, driven and I will be successful, by my terms. I will live a life of peace, attainment and entrepreneuriship. So don't sleep on me, I'm on the come up!

Master Teacher???

"What if there was no niggas only master teachers? I stay woke"- Erykah Badu



Since Ms. Badu's debut in 1997, she has been producing music that makes her listeners think. Yeah, we can sit back and groove to her music but there is always a much appreciated conscious undertone. Since I was elementary school I have been listening to Erykah trying to decypher her lyrics. Her first single off of her first album, On & On, has a sense of ambuigity. It wasn't until I got older that understood what she meant by "If we were made in his image, then call us by our names." and "I was born underwater with 3 dollars and 6 dimes."



I'd expand on my interpretation of those lyrics, however this post is about her song Master Teacher on her latest LP New Amerykah. In this song she asks the question "What if there was no niggas only master teacher?" Everyone I know who has this album loves this song. And is intrigued by this question.



But what is a Master Teacher? I truly believe nothing is titled on accident so therefore it is meaningful that the opponents of niggas are Master Teachers. Why you ask. Erykah is into Kemetic Spirituality and an important aspect of this spirituality is numerology.

In numerology a person born under the life path of 22 is called a master teacher. According to numerology the life path 22 is the most powerful as those who are born under the path have a special talent of manifesting their ideas into reality. Master Teachers are said to be master builders in society. They also achieve higher levels of spiritual enlightenment.

I say once again its no accident that the opponent of a nigga is a Master Teacher!

Love in the Club??? Part I

I am at club recently, grinding on some stranger ( tisk tisk tisk) and all of a sudden he whispers in my here "come home with me". My immediate reaction is hell no, of course. This is isn't the first time this has happend, however this is the first time that I became outraged. Outraged enough to write a blog on the flaws of night clubs and the music that goes a long with it.

Let me start off by telling you the club I went to is called Love. Yes, Love! I have yet to hear someone criticize this place for being called Love. Why should they, you ask. Because a place such as this names after Love, makes a mockery of what love truly is. There is no love in the darkness of a club. Just straight up stank lust. Drunken lust. Booty shaking and grinding lust! I believe love is a force and though it can exist everywhere a night club just doesn't embody it.

When people give a place a name, there is thought that goes into it . This club isn't called Love on accident. A club called Love reflects the concsiousness of society. How so? I look around and I see how people treat each other in relationships and courting. So many people that are dating or in relationships are building there foundation on sex. And thats what night clubs are really about sex.

This is why no one complains or discusses that there is a night club called Love, because it isn't odd to them. Thats what love is in there minds. Love=SEX. I will continue this in my blog... Love in the Club Part II

The How

When I was returning to school last fall, I had run into an obstacle. I had no money! Classes were to start in less than two weeks and my tuition had not been paid. I attempted to take out a loan but I wasn’t approved. My mother wouldn’t co-sign for me. My father couldn’t co-sign for me. The money that the school did offer me was no where near enough to cover tuition. I truly believed I was going to have to sit out for a semester. This is something I absolutely did not want to do because I was desperate to graduate in May 2008. My limited thinking couldn’t fathom what was about to take place. My tuition got paid through an unpredictable circumstance. I can’t go into full detail about how my tuition was paid (thought it was LEGAL lol). I will be graduating in May 2008. The way my tuition was paid, I would have never thought of that possibility. I could not calculate all of the "hows."

I wanted to address worrying about the how. We often place limits on ourselves because we cannot see all of the possibilities. There have been things that we have all wanted to do but did not attempt it because we couldn't see how it would work. We shouldn't neglect our dreams and goals because it doesn’t seem possible. Our minds can be limited and we only see one road that will lead to our goal. However, in reality what our mind can conceive as the only how, is not the only how. The Divine's mind can see all the "hows", therefore we must learn to trust.

We often to confine the Divine within our limitations when we think with a linear mind set. We under think "how am I going to get the money to do this," or "how am I going to meet this person." We can only think of but so many scenarios of how. When we do this we close doors on ourselves. By not being open and thinking out of the box, we close ourselves to the limitless opportunities. But then we expect the Divine to work miracles yet we don't have complete faith.

We all have goals and dreams that we wish to achieve. And they are all possible to achieve, if you believe. Just let go and let God. The Divine offers infinite possibilities. That’s right! There are countless ways to achieve your objectives. There are ways that you can’t even imagine that your dreams will come into fruition. So don’t put God into a box. Sit back, follow your heart and let God open the doors for you. The Divine will open doors that you didn’t even think existed. Always remember there are infinite possibilities.

~Selah~

Intro...

Okay, so I decided to start a blog after an intense conversation I had with myself. In the midst of this convo I learned I have a lot to say about my life and the world in general, but no one to say it to. So I'll I decided I'd say it to the world. This blog is a reflection of my path of self discovery. My goal is to use this blog as vehichle to inspire others and myself to question and think about everything. The why comes and why nots of life can be a bit scary to ponder because of the unknown results, but its worth the journey.

Since this is my first blog I 'll give a little background on who I am. It would be impossible to describe myself in one entry, so I will just give a survey list of my general interest. I am a 21 year old college student who will be graduating this May (whoohoo!) My major is public relations and my minor is women studies. I love my minor, my major not so much. I write poetry, songs and short stories and in the near future plays. I am a natural health fanatic! I do not subscribe to allopathic medicine only naturopathy (herbs, accupunture, reiki etc) I am a vegetarian and I love it!!!

Well thats it for now...