untitled...unbridled

Every morning I write 3 pages of free flowing thoughts... Well one morning this came up in my thoughts...

You and I were born out of GodIs imagination
The primordial soup
Here in 3rd Dimension we are just passing through
Incarnated into bodies open crown, third eye blind
w/o a manual, a schedule, some sense of time
this is GodIs's dirty tricky
and I'm so off when I'm at home I get home-sick
and I miss you...
they say home is where the heart is
well i hope thats not true
because I'm long way from those waters
But there is a place I know
Adorned with a full moon
a sky freckled with stars
painted with black and blues
where emotional waves have an affinity for relaxed sand
crashing and pulling underneath where i stand
this is passion I suppose
Being here is the closest I'll get to home
and due to the alignment of the stars above
in this life this is the closest you and I will get to love

Stepping into my purpose

"I got a call today from my job up the block, it was my boss to say, you know we like you a lot, but we don't need you J, you day dream too much, well man I'm glad yall let me go, cuz with no 9-5 its a brand new day, my rents do but I'm party any... time to live my own life..." Janelle Monae

"Baby all I got is a dollar and a dream is you gon roll with me, cuz i tried the 9-5 and and it just don't fit me" Trey Songs

"Baby you must understand, I can't work a 9-5, so I'll be gon til November" Wyclef Jean

I've been temping since I graduated last spring. I hate it. I hate being in an office. I don't like wearing slacks. I don't like having to take out my nose ring for interviews. I don't like office politics. I don't like working for someone else. I don't like trading my time for money.

Law of Attraction kicks in right about here...

I love working for myself. I love creating art that helps people heal. I love interacting with people. I love assisting people hill. I enjoy writing poetry and songs. My passions bring abundance to my life. I love wearing clothes that fit my personality. I love being free.

Ok....

So, I have given myself the title of healing artist. I am currently manifesting my greatness. I will began substitute teaching, so I'll be getting out of the office. I'm very excited! I have also applied for a position at a holistic spa. I'm applying to grad school for herbal medicine. Considering getting certified in reiki this summer. Practicing yoga and eating better.

Here are a list of things I want to encompass in my healing artistry; playwright/singer/actress/poet/holistic health practitioner/yoga instructor/herbalist/doula/lactation consultant/wellness coach/reiki master...

Baby steps, baby steps...

A day in the life...

So I came up with an idea for a blog, which I think everyone should participate in. It's called the a day in the life. First you describe a typical day in your life. Then your describe an ideal typical day in your life. Afterwards think about why your aren't living the way you want to live...

A typical day...

Get up 6am, do 3 pages of free-form writing called morning pages (check out the book the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron) . Yes while I'm still in that morning fog. Just a stream of consciousness.

Then I pray, hop in the shower. Eat my breakfast usually some fruit and kashi cereal with rice milk. Get dressed off to work...

I temp as a receptionist at a university in MD. Blah. While at work I blog, read blogs, research anything that interest me, write poems, and work on this one woman show I've been writing. I'm at work for 8-5.

In the evenings, I do different things that include, yoga, volunteering with a youth performing arts non profit (I LOVE IT, KIDS ARE GREAT!) or I head to the studio and work on my music. Sometimes I go to an open mic, but I'm to scared to perform. I'm working on it, no really I am!

I go to bed around 11 or 12, I usually fall asleep to the TV, reruns of Sex and The City. Sometimes I fall asleep reading. But, yeah that's a day in the life...

My Ideal typical day in the life...

I would wake up with the sun or before it rises. Write my morning pages. Then do yoga. Eat a green smoothie all raw! Take a shower... Then off to work or to live my calling which is to create and assist heal. My ultimate goal is to use the arts and the earths resources to help people heal and to help women get back to their goddessness. I want to own a holistic/creativity wellness center... Ok so back to my ideal typical day I go work take off my shoes perform my calling. Eat an organic vegan lunch.

After performing my calling. I head home to spend time with myself with people I love. I have enough time in the day to do things I love and to enjoy the simple things in nature. Like the full moon over the ocean. Or the sunsetting. Being able to recognize different species of trees and hugging them to feel their energy. Being able to enjoy nature and other people. Yeah that's my typical weekday pre-family and having children...

I really don't want to live each day the same, behind a computer in an uncomfortable conservative suit, where I must tame my natural free hair to fit a professional standard. Im breaking out and getting free.

So how do I get there, I'm not exactly sure. As far as being an artist I'm writing all the time and channeling my creativity. I've been connecting with some producers and have been working on some music in the studio. I've been researching masters programs in herbal medicine and holistic health, I want a degree in both. But I also want my yoga teacher certification. I also want to become a doula and lactation consultant. So where do I start? That's the challenge, mapping it out .... I'm loving this journey and how the flower unfolds.

I don't believe there's a man in moon, all i see is the fullness of you...

Unfortunately my cycle is on the sun's time. Every 31 days, and I bleed. Always punctual, sometimes with a precursor of pain, depending on how well I have taken care of myself that month. Last month, I came on January 1st while in Disney World. The weeks prior I had not been kind to my womb. I drank, partied, was lax on my yoga practice and I ate vegetarian junk food. I surely paid the price. I woke with my womb crying out in pain. I felt so bad for treating her that way. I hadn't had a period like that since... high-school when i ate meat and didn't exercise.

That pain was a wake-up call. Calling me back to renewing my womb's health and my piece of mind. Not only had I neglected her physically, but emotionally. She's the center of my creativity and the heart of my sexuality. And well, I hadn't been creating much or nurturing her.

With that being said, the rest of January I made some changes. I began writing more poems not as much as I would have liked to... I have to start somewhere. I ate better, but was still eating dairy. I drank red raspberry leaf tea (a great healer for the womb). I didn't drink any alcohol. So when I began to bleed the first of this month, I noticed a huge difference. No pain. A little discomfort but not pain...

However, there are still some other things that are off that I will continue to work on. For example my mood swings. Yesterday I woke up feeling tired but I was determined to have a great day. I began feeling positive because the weather was nice. I felt really encouraged about life. I worked myself up into a high, while at work. I was elated. But, while on my drive home, my mood swung like a pendulum. The darkness was falling, it was getting colder and it began to drizzle. As did my eyes. I began thinking about all the things that are not stable in my life and I cried the entire way home. I couldn't understand how I went from feeling great to feeling like shit in a matter of minutes. But then again I am a cancer on her period. LOL

Later that evening, I went to Bikram Yoga (yoga done in a room heated up to 105 degrees) My muscles were too weak to stand in some of the poses. I laid down a lot of the standing series. Usually the heat doesn't bother me but last night it was all too much. When we moved into the floor series, I was able to perform much better, but still not to the best of my ability.

I left class drained, but relaxed, knowing what I need to work on for this next cycle. I've eating vegan the past few days and I will continue to do so. My weakness was indicator that I need more nutrient densed food especially ones with iron. I will drink 2 cups of red raspberry leaf tea instead of one. Go deeper in my meditation. And address this situation with a man I've been dating. We're in a grey area. I'm not sure if he cares or even wants to move forward, but it's plaguing me. This ambiguity is wearing on my womb, so much so that I've been having nightmares about the relationship.

Despite my wombs challenges, she womb is full, full of potential, hope and dreams. But before giving birth to my visions I have to make sure I have my prenatal health down! I'm going to take way better care of her. My goal is to get my cycle down to 28 days, on the moons time. I strive for a lighter, intuitive period. I have to much masculine energy going and I need to delve deeper into the feminine.

I don't believe there's a man in moon, all i see is the fullness of you... - Cree Summer