untitled...unbridled

Every morning I write 3 pages of free flowing thoughts... Well one morning this came up in my thoughts...

You and I were born out of GodIs imagination
The primordial soup
Here in 3rd Dimension we are just passing through
Incarnated into bodies open crown, third eye blind
w/o a manual, a schedule, some sense of time
this is GodIs's dirty tricky
and I'm so off when I'm at home I get home-sick
and I miss you...
they say home is where the heart is
well i hope thats not true
because I'm long way from those waters
But there is a place I know
Adorned with a full moon
a sky freckled with stars
painted with black and blues
where emotional waves have an affinity for relaxed sand
crashing and pulling underneath where i stand
this is passion I suppose
Being here is the closest I'll get to home
and due to the alignment of the stars above
in this life this is the closest you and I will get to love

Stepping into my purpose

"I got a call today from my job up the block, it was my boss to say, you know we like you a lot, but we don't need you J, you day dream too much, well man I'm glad yall let me go, cuz with no 9-5 its a brand new day, my rents do but I'm party any... time to live my own life..." Janelle Monae

"Baby all I got is a dollar and a dream is you gon roll with me, cuz i tried the 9-5 and and it just don't fit me" Trey Songs

"Baby you must understand, I can't work a 9-5, so I'll be gon til November" Wyclef Jean

I've been temping since I graduated last spring. I hate it. I hate being in an office. I don't like wearing slacks. I don't like having to take out my nose ring for interviews. I don't like office politics. I don't like working for someone else. I don't like trading my time for money.

Law of Attraction kicks in right about here...

I love working for myself. I love creating art that helps people heal. I love interacting with people. I love assisting people hill. I enjoy writing poetry and songs. My passions bring abundance to my life. I love wearing clothes that fit my personality. I love being free.

Ok....

So, I have given myself the title of healing artist. I am currently manifesting my greatness. I will began substitute teaching, so I'll be getting out of the office. I'm very excited! I have also applied for a position at a holistic spa. I'm applying to grad school for herbal medicine. Considering getting certified in reiki this summer. Practicing yoga and eating better.

Here are a list of things I want to encompass in my healing artistry; playwright/singer/actress/poet/holistic health practitioner/yoga instructor/herbalist/doula/lactation consultant/wellness coach/reiki master...

Baby steps, baby steps...

A day in the life...

So I came up with an idea for a blog, which I think everyone should participate in. It's called the a day in the life. First you describe a typical day in your life. Then your describe an ideal typical day in your life. Afterwards think about why your aren't living the way you want to live...

A typical day...

Get up 6am, do 3 pages of free-form writing called morning pages (check out the book the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron) . Yes while I'm still in that morning fog. Just a stream of consciousness.

Then I pray, hop in the shower. Eat my breakfast usually some fruit and kashi cereal with rice milk. Get dressed off to work...

I temp as a receptionist at a university in MD. Blah. While at work I blog, read blogs, research anything that interest me, write poems, and work on this one woman show I've been writing. I'm at work for 8-5.

In the evenings, I do different things that include, yoga, volunteering with a youth performing arts non profit (I LOVE IT, KIDS ARE GREAT!) or I head to the studio and work on my music. Sometimes I go to an open mic, but I'm to scared to perform. I'm working on it, no really I am!

I go to bed around 11 or 12, I usually fall asleep to the TV, reruns of Sex and The City. Sometimes I fall asleep reading. But, yeah that's a day in the life...

My Ideal typical day in the life...

I would wake up with the sun or before it rises. Write my morning pages. Then do yoga. Eat a green smoothie all raw! Take a shower... Then off to work or to live my calling which is to create and assist heal. My ultimate goal is to use the arts and the earths resources to help people heal and to help women get back to their goddessness. I want to own a holistic/creativity wellness center... Ok so back to my ideal typical day I go work take off my shoes perform my calling. Eat an organic vegan lunch.

After performing my calling. I head home to spend time with myself with people I love. I have enough time in the day to do things I love and to enjoy the simple things in nature. Like the full moon over the ocean. Or the sunsetting. Being able to recognize different species of trees and hugging them to feel their energy. Being able to enjoy nature and other people. Yeah that's my typical weekday pre-family and having children...

I really don't want to live each day the same, behind a computer in an uncomfortable conservative suit, where I must tame my natural free hair to fit a professional standard. Im breaking out and getting free.

So how do I get there, I'm not exactly sure. As far as being an artist I'm writing all the time and channeling my creativity. I've been connecting with some producers and have been working on some music in the studio. I've been researching masters programs in herbal medicine and holistic health, I want a degree in both. But I also want my yoga teacher certification. I also want to become a doula and lactation consultant. So where do I start? That's the challenge, mapping it out .... I'm loving this journey and how the flower unfolds.

I don't believe there's a man in moon, all i see is the fullness of you...

Unfortunately my cycle is on the sun's time. Every 31 days, and I bleed. Always punctual, sometimes with a precursor of pain, depending on how well I have taken care of myself that month. Last month, I came on January 1st while in Disney World. The weeks prior I had not been kind to my womb. I drank, partied, was lax on my yoga practice and I ate vegetarian junk food. I surely paid the price. I woke with my womb crying out in pain. I felt so bad for treating her that way. I hadn't had a period like that since... high-school when i ate meat and didn't exercise.

That pain was a wake-up call. Calling me back to renewing my womb's health and my piece of mind. Not only had I neglected her physically, but emotionally. She's the center of my creativity and the heart of my sexuality. And well, I hadn't been creating much or nurturing her.

With that being said, the rest of January I made some changes. I began writing more poems not as much as I would have liked to... I have to start somewhere. I ate better, but was still eating dairy. I drank red raspberry leaf tea (a great healer for the womb). I didn't drink any alcohol. So when I began to bleed the first of this month, I noticed a huge difference. No pain. A little discomfort but not pain...

However, there are still some other things that are off that I will continue to work on. For example my mood swings. Yesterday I woke up feeling tired but I was determined to have a great day. I began feeling positive because the weather was nice. I felt really encouraged about life. I worked myself up into a high, while at work. I was elated. But, while on my drive home, my mood swung like a pendulum. The darkness was falling, it was getting colder and it began to drizzle. As did my eyes. I began thinking about all the things that are not stable in my life and I cried the entire way home. I couldn't understand how I went from feeling great to feeling like shit in a matter of minutes. But then again I am a cancer on her period. LOL

Later that evening, I went to Bikram Yoga (yoga done in a room heated up to 105 degrees) My muscles were too weak to stand in some of the poses. I laid down a lot of the standing series. Usually the heat doesn't bother me but last night it was all too much. When we moved into the floor series, I was able to perform much better, but still not to the best of my ability.

I left class drained, but relaxed, knowing what I need to work on for this next cycle. I've eating vegan the past few days and I will continue to do so. My weakness was indicator that I need more nutrient densed food especially ones with iron. I will drink 2 cups of red raspberry leaf tea instead of one. Go deeper in my meditation. And address this situation with a man I've been dating. We're in a grey area. I'm not sure if he cares or even wants to move forward, but it's plaguing me. This ambiguity is wearing on my womb, so much so that I've been having nightmares about the relationship.

Despite my wombs challenges, she womb is full, full of potential, hope and dreams. But before giving birth to my visions I have to make sure I have my prenatal health down! I'm going to take way better care of her. My goal is to get my cycle down to 28 days, on the moons time. I strive for a lighter, intuitive period. I have to much masculine energy going and I need to delve deeper into the feminine.

I don't believe there's a man in moon, all i see is the fullness of you... - Cree Summer

count down

So I jacked this from another blog. Just a big countdown.

10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people
1. I really do regret meeting you.
2. Just because we work together does not mean you need to tell me yoru life story. Shut up!
3. Your Debbie Downer ass makes me want to jump off a bridge when I hear you.
4. I don't answer my phone or call you back because I don't like you.
5. I feel sorry for your new boyfriend, pyscho.
6. I love you.
7. You need therapy.
8. You are way to picky...
9. We aren't friends anymore cuz you are dysfunctional.
10. I really never meant to hurt you.

9 things about yourself
1. I think I need therapy, sometimes.
2. I hate Keyshia Coles voice! It sounds like nails against a chalkboard in my ears.
3. I am an optimist dressed in a cynics clothes.
4. I really do believe in love, I'm just scared of it.
5. I'm so over the DMV.
6. I love to eat hate to cook.
7. I have great friends.
8. I need a job.
9. I'm over this section of the countdown.

8 ways to win my heart
1. Be conscious.
2. Understand Erykah Badu's song Master Teacher.
3. Be honest.
4. Be intuitive.
5. Be forward.
6. Court Me
7. Actually listen to me, know really.
8. Love yourself!

7 things that cross my mind a lot
1. My future children
2. My purpose in life
3. My family
4. Him
5. The adversities of little black girls
6. How the universe came to be.
7. My future in general

6 things I do before I go to sleep
1. Brush my teeth
2. Watch a lil tv
3. Pray and meditate
4. Make any last calls
5. Daydream
6. something else i don't care to name :-)

5 people I couldn't live without
1. My mother
2. My family
3. My best friends
4. thats it
5. nope no more

4 things I'm wearing right now
1. silver earings
2. my panda coin ring
3. my nose ring
4. black boots

3 songs that fit my life perfectly
1. lost myself (Lauryn Hill)
2. booty (Erykah Badu)
3. me (erykah badu)

2 things i would like to do before i die
1. Live on "the continent"
2. Have children

1 confession
I think George W. Bush is sexy :-/

First day of winter... winter solstice... the sun rebirth

This upcoming Sunday (the 21st) will mark this years winter solstice in out hemisphere. The significance of the winter solstice is it's the reversal of the gradually lengthening nights and shortening days. This day will be the day of the longest nigth of the year. For three days afer the winter solstice the day the length of day light reaches its mininum. The sun seems to stand stil, after which the days begin to increase in daylight somewhere around Christmas eve and day. Thus the sky will be birthing the sun. Its interesting it falls during Christmas, the birth of the Son of God. Sun, Son. hmmmmm...


I find this inteteresting because this is when we should really be celebrating the new year... since it marks the day of the solar or we could celebrate it during the spring equinox (since that really signifies a time of renewal)

But since we live in a backwards world... Its January 1st a very insignificant day in the dead winter.

I usually don't make New Years resolutions but after recounting all the events and lessons of this year i find it necessary. This year I graduated from college, went almost the entire year without sex, lost two friends and made some new ones. I learned some hard truths about myself and now its time to fix them.

This is year, I can't afford to carry some of the baggage I've been carrying. I have to learn how to truly forgive some. Being over a situation and forgiving someone is 2 completely different things. Now that I have learned that, I have to learn to forgive and let go. I have to learn to become more proactive and multi-task better. I have to stop worrying about the future and over-analyzing things. I must keep the passion and fire I have for life. My body is temple and a dwelling place for God/Goddess and I must try even harder to keep it holy. More whole foods and no intoxicants. I have learn how to prepare food and herbs. I am a manifestation of my creator and I have to keep that at the front of mind. I can because Goddess can.

Im excited about what this new year will bring. During the winter soltice, I'm going to medidate and appreciate those days of darkness. Because out of the darkness comes the light. I'm gonna let my sun (light) be re-born and illuminate, because I've been slacking since I've graduated.

shells and seeds... like that

Shells and Seeds : for BH

We would share sunflower seeds
sitting on the porch above concrete
ditch the shells to get to the center to the best part right to the heart he holds a special place
he was more than a friend
one of those soulmates
now I don’t love him like
your mother loves your father,
like you loved your ex,
like you’ll love your next
but I love him
in a different way
not quite under the sun
but way over the moon
we would spend the entire month of June
hiding and seeking
we would play tag
and I wanted to be it
So I obviously hid
hoping he would find me
but he never did
we just weren’t compatible
when we truth or dared kissed I felt we were judge by shadows
yet we still chased ice cream trucks
search for 4 leaf clovers for luck
until the summer he left me I felt so stuck
But he was worse off
Though without each other we were both lost
life stretched us
in different directions
but some how we found our way back
But I things had changed
time had suffocated our innocence
we were not the same
He came back around
we were reintroduced
and when he returned I asked him what did he learn
he said his dreams had been lynched off of basketball hoops
and he wasn't sure of who he was or his roots
he was unconscious and i was full aware
i had learned to love life he really didn't care
i was full of hope he was full of despair
now he picks seeds out his weed
I collect shells of off the beach
we sit close but still out of reach
we try to relate to one another
as we reminisce with each other
sitting on the porch above concrete
sharing sunflower seeds



LIKE THAT

if i recounted all my secrets
and etched them on slates
and put them on Cupids letter head
like that
if I sent them to you
would u write back
i mean Aaliyah four page it
signed, seal delivered with a kiss,
exactly like that

cuz i want an inconvenient, i didn't know it was gonna rain so, i forgot my umbrella type love
i want an i could live without u, but u make it so much better type love
an unexpected, I found 50 dollars in a puddle imma spend it all on you type love
an up all night, connecting the stars, with the hopes it tells us our story type love
a we so great and relevant, we're in out great grand children's history book, they studying us type love

yeah i want it like that


if it didn't work
would u return me right back
u kno where u found me
would u apologize cuz your love didn't ground me
since I dont wanna fall in love
in love I'd rather stand
boys will be boys
but i just want u to be my man
like sprint, verizon, t-mobile
I'm just trying to be apart of your plan
yeah like that

so will u hold my hand like that
yes smile again... like that
cuz i want it like that